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ARE YOU SELF AWARE?

Are you self-aware?

I must say, for me it is definitely a work in progress, as it should be. Daily.

I was getting the “ick” again with a valued friend.

This person knows every detail of my trauma. Someone I absolutely adored, loved, and trusted.

I asked, “Are you aware of your actions? Your words? Are you aware of how destructive your behavior has been recently?”

The response was, “I am doing nothing wrong.” All I could do was sadly smile. Not self-aware at all.

Side note: Our friendship has now run its course. My decision.

The friendship ended because in any relationship, you both have to be aware.

Me being aware I was being taken advantage of. Them not being self-aware enough to change their behavior.

It goes both ways people.

Thanks for the memories.

A few weeks back, I packed up Caoihme and took a road trip to the Northern California Coast to work on my book.

Escaping to the California Coast or mountains are always places I find unadulterated peace. I find my mind wanders intensely and gloriously freely in solitude.

While there, I completed multiple chapters. I decided to put these specific thoughts to paper.

This book I’m writing has brought this topic to mind a lot recently. Truth be told, I’ve been cleaning house of certain people with a massive steam cleaner. Her name is self-respect.

Photo of Sonoma coast road trip cypress trees

Be accountable.

Accountable for your actions against others and self-awareness of your actions towards SELF.

You have the strength to walk away from what hurts you, disrupts you, or just simply doesn’t serve you!

And damn, walking away really hurts sometimes, but so necessary.

Even the thought of intentionally or unintentionally causing pain to someone throws me into a tailspin of anxiety.

So why allow yourself to be on the receiving end of such torment?

I’ve been on that side, and I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone.

Take accountability for being taken advantage of.

Self-awareness and insecurity lived in tandem for more years, I’d like to admit.

What I know now is if I was secure in self, maybe the path I’ve walked would have looked differently. I do ponder this every once in a while.

Ever since I was a little girl I’ve been taken advantage of.

Most specifically by my closest friends.

I finally accepted the truth. I allowed it.

Then I allowed it to bleed into my friendships and marriage.

So why did this happen?

Insecurity for me was the fear of being “left.”

Even by people who did not honor me.

That’s truly the internal work I’ve spent the most time on. My incestuous need to fix people. I was living 15 + seasons of Maury Povich, and somehow it became normal.

I liked to collect pound puppies.

Who really did I think I was?

You can’t help pathological liars. You can’t fix adulterers. You can’t reform someone into being a truthful person.

You certainly cannot change a narcissist, that I know first hand.

Yet damn I tried.

But why? I didn’t want to deal with my own shit.

I didn’t want to deal with my unhappiness so I adopted pound puppies. It was almost like a transfer addiction.

Writing this book has brought out memories.

My psyche has protected me from it.

My memories were given cement shoes. They were thrown to the bottom of the ocean. I’ve got my dive gear on collecting them one by one.

I am yanking off the barnacles, doing my best to not get stuck by the sea urchins. These memories have a new life and a purpose.

Without sifting through, I wouldn’t be able to remind myself just how damn strong I was, am, and will continue to be. Awareness gives you that power.

And I no longer stop by the local SPCA.

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Ms. Insecurity Crept up on me, so I told her to STFU.

I have accepted a book deal. Yes, you have read that correctly.

I am honored, flattered, petrified, and excited all at once. It might be the perfect combination.

I waited to make this announcement until I spoke to those closest to me.

Or maybe I needed some reassurance that I actually had something to say?

Or maybe I needed Ms. Insecurity to STFU, again.

I am indeed a combination of flattered and petrified, definitely excited!

I really don’t like when that snake infiltrates my thoughts, but I am still human and it happens.

The crazy CRAZY coincidence? Everything in my life seems to come in variables of 11. Good and bad. I have promised to be finished by Summer/Fall 20-TWENTY TWO.

Here I go, time to travel to my most beloved spots on the globe and give this book all that I have.

Wish me luck, I think I might need it.

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Create new daily habits

Being mindful of your day and the energy you use is imperative to growing in self love.

Do you feel depleted at the end of the day? Do you wake up groggy and just, blah? Try focusing on you. Be mindful of what is sucking the life out of your day.

Make yourself the priority. Work on a clear and healthy mind so your commitments are met and relationships thrive.

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Keys to a healthy relationship.

Having accountability, empathy, respect and cooperation in your relationships is key.

So let’s start with your MUSTS for a healthy relationship.

Self-love demands these for a successful you, a self-loving you.

Often times we are so in love with the idea of love that we don’t take the time to really get to know someone.

Do they have honor and integrity? How do they show up in a relationship?

Honor yourself by looking for these attributes and above all else work, make sure you work on showing up the same way.

Focus on these daily.

Accountability – Does your partner own their mistakes and missteps? Can they apologize and reflect on their actions?

Boundaries – Is your individuality supported? Does your partner respect your individuality and space? Is your time together respected?

Empathy – Is there self awareness for others feelings? Is there compassion?

Cooperation – Do you have open communication? Is there a common respect to listen to each other and work together. Do you share ideas?

Choice – The decision to choose each other above all else. To commit to love, respect and integrity within your relationship. Do they choose to honor your commitment every single day?

Respect – Can you share your feelings freely? Express your hopes, dreams, ambitions and needs without fear of rejection or ridicule? Can you agree to disagree?

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Sunday’s Mindset Reset and Melancholy Musings

Working on healing and learning to slow down.

My morning routine consists of grabbing the pups and walking the property before anyone wakes. It’s the perfect time for me to think, to breathe and to self reflect while I exercise their morning legs.

I counted almost a dozen deer noshing away on the trail and too many rabbits to count on this crisp October day.

But today in particular while I was on our little jaunt, I was feeling a bit drab. Ok, a lot drab and incredibly restless.

I began my process of mentally digging in to try and figure it out.

What could I possibly complain about? There I was walking this incredible property, breathing in the sunset views with a hot cup of java in hand.

I am in a beautiful relationship full of integrity and honor, my beautiful pups, two lovely bonus kids on top of my two. There are incredibly supportive friends in my life. The list goes on…

What I think is happening. I need to learn to sit still more often, and be okay with it.

Being stagnant is not for me. Why can’t I just be static?

As I mentioned last week, I’m dealing with some broken ribs and now a breakthrough case of Covid.

So thank the Lord for these fur babies and 10 acres to roam because being locked down has been difficult. I like routine and this is definitely not routine.

Not being able to jump in my car and visit friends and family, my office, walk into a restaurant for brunch & a mimosa…simple pleasures.

So this melancholy is clearly related to my insistent need to have a routine.

Usually of which entails a non-stop on the go life. Throw in not being able to workout with my trainer and it’s a perfect storm to mess with my mental health.

All of this beauty at my fingertips yet I find it challenging to not be still in thought sometimes.

Time for a Mindset Reset

I was never one to use affirmations in my life, but now it’s daily for me. As someone who was very hard on herself (and still can be) throughout my life, I really rely on this empowering tool.

Daily affirmations open up my intuition and quiets my fears.

Today I decided to go straight for this reset technique and I kept it simple.

I narrowed it down to how I was feeling and affirmed: “I am physically stronger than I’ve ever been. I will be back to my routine in a few days because this is only temporary.

Look at all of the alone time you’ve gotten with your love.”

I felt so much better.

I stopped by to see the goats then proceeded to the house and harass AW, a routine that I haven’t had to give up.

Happy Sunday Friends!

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Being Physically Healthy is my key to being Emotionally Healthy.

“I cannot be emotionally healthy if I’m not physically healthy.“

I whisper to myself when I don’t want to crawl out of bed at 5 am to workout!

I was planning on writing about my favorite tools that I use daily for my overall wellness. However, I realized I really do have quite the routine and I’d lose you two paragraphs in!

Therefore, I will limit today to my workout regimen in hopes you are looking for some opinions, personal insight, and recommendations.

{THIS POST CONTAINS AFFILIATE LINKS}

Bolded below are links below and throughout to the products I am obsessed with.

Being outside around the property is not something I take for granted and it’s an incredible time for space.

When I encourage you through my writings to begin or continue the journey to self-care, that doesn’t just include the emotional and mental work.

For me, fitness, “diet” and personal accountability are the trifecta I strive to implement into my daily life. I cannot succeed and grow in self without all three.

First, let me begin with the present state of affairs.

It’s been a rough couple of weeks lately. I was in a fairly bad accident a few days after my birthday. Broken ribs, a fractured arm, torn muscles, and ligaments as well as some minor internal bleeding but I’m quickly on the mend.

Having given you a little background is frankly what lead me to finally write this post. I really believe I wouldn’t be healing so ahead of schedule had I not made my physical health a priority.

(Disclaimer: I am not a fitness expert, this is my personal experience)

So shall we? Again, this is what works and continues to work for me!

My 5 keys to wellness through physical activity.

1: Simply start, and get those steps in!

A walk with the pup, hike, or a leisurely bike ride through your neighborhood. Starting a physical regimen is really intimating. Getting started is even more intimidating! Start slow. Track your steps, you’d be shocked how little we move throughout the day.

(Tip) When shopping, running errands, etc…Pick the furthest car slot! Those steps add up!

2: Phone a friend for accountability

Last winter a group of my favorite women devoted themselves to getting whipped into shape!

The first thing I asked all of us to commit to was getting on the scale, taking a photo, and sending it to the group. “Oh, no way!” I think that was the first reaction!

But sure enough, we all did. Every week.

The encouragement, the love, and the push when one of us was in a slump were marvelous. And the successes even more so.

There is something amazing when you feel that type of support. Before we knew it, we were in Mexico and then Hawaii. And still, we worked out, went for walks on the beach, and made healthy decisions.

Oh and we drank those Mai Tai, Margaritas, and Mango-Tajin tequila shots! Depriving ourselves of being on vacation was not an option!

The point is, if you’re like me, accountability is where it’s at. I cannot encourage you enough to seek out someone that you know will push you to not give up on your goals.

(Tip) Download an app like MyFitnessPal and journal! There’s something about seeing your progress.

3: Vitamins, not supplements

Oh, the crap we put in our bodies!

When I met the owner of Nubody, David Gorman, my health coach & fitness trainer, I think I was a bit cocky.

I have been physical my whole life. A daughter with Type 1 Juvenile Diabetes, so I “knew” nutrition and how insulin levels negatively affect our body.

Though I wasn’t looking for a “diet,” David went over my food journal and shook his head at me, and not in the positive.

What I didn’t know was I was supplementing my very boring and lackluster diet with protein shakes, the wrong BCAA’s and more nonsense that was doing me harm than good = stalling my progress.

“A healthy diet does not need to be supplemented, with supplements.” David Gorman

So I threw out the Premier Protein I’d been drinking for YEARS and switched to a plant-based protein he recommend. I added a D3+K2 (also plant-based) and could not believe how quickly my body responded! We stuck with my favorite daily vitamins and that’s it! I cannot recommend enough to get everything out of your diet that ends with “ose.”

(Tip) Avoid Sucralose & Maltodextrin in “sugar-free” drinks, soda, and coffee creamers to avoid insulin spikes.

4: Weights & Resistance Training vs High Intensity

I’ve been there. I’ve taken all of the classes throughout the years. Cross Fit, KAIA, and High-Intensity workouts, throwing tires across a parking lot is just not for me. Simply getting outside and getting my heart rate up sets the mood for my day!

Working out 3x’s a week with David using Terra-Core Balance, Resistance Bands, TRX and free weights has been life-changing. In between those days a quick HIIT program on my Peloton or a light jog, and boom, all done.

And here I sit today, in the best physical shape of my life. Minus the broken ribs of course.

(Tip) Dedicate yourself to a fitness regime that you REALLY look forward to every day!

5: The Scale Doesn’t Tell The Whole Story

I admit I sometimes still struggle with this concept. Everything we’ve heard is BMI and weight!

I had never been scanned for Skeletal Muscle Mass, Visceral Fat (VERY important) or Extracellular Water Analysis (a big term for water weight balance.) I tell you, once you see those numbers your “weight” means very little.

The point is this. The scale does not tell the whole story. On “paper” I lost a few pounds since January, but we did indeed replace it with muscle. I went from a size 8/10 to a 4/6, respectfully. And no, it’s not about the size, it’s about feeling better than I did in my 20’s and 30’s.

(Tip) Acquire a scale like In Body, it’s worth the investment!

I hope this was helpful! I’ve listed below what I use both at home and what I take on my travels! Some resistance bands, a mat, and my favorite workout gear are living in their own luggage always ready to go.

Good luck! If you have favorite tools you’d like to share please add them to the comments below!

Helpful Eating Tools

Glass Kitchen Scale Once you start using you will very quickly eyeball your go-tos!

Electric Whisk I use mine daily! I have 3!

Air Fryer I mean, what can I say? Life changing.

Veggie Spiral There is NO need for an expensive one! I switched out my pasta for zucchini noodles years ago.

Food Chopper Only if you want to save a TON of time!

Salad Spinner I am always shocked so many people don’t have one! Saves so much time!

Daily & Traveling

Refrigerator for my Jeep- This is definitely a splurge but we use it ALL the time. This thing is amazing! I throw my shakes, water, and snacks and it’s perfect for camping, the ocean, or the lake. Which we do often!

Daily Workout Shoes

Outdoor Shoes

Thermals Ocean, Camping, crisps mornings up in the foothills.

Heavy Duty Bands (Travel)

Fabric Bands (Home & Travel)

Dumbbells (Home)

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Do you allow space in your relationship?

Definition of Safety:

safe·ty | \ ˈsāf-tē \plural safeties

Essential Meaning of safety

1: freedom from harm or danger : the state of being safe

Find yourself a man that can make you blush like a 16 year old girl months and years into your relationship.
Eleakis & Elder Photography

If there is one thing I’ve learned from my experiences it is this: Emotional and physical space with a new partner after traumatic divorce is key to welcoming vulnerability and long lasting connection. Give each other space for the ups and downs. Sit in grace and LISTEN. Literally, zip that mouth when they are speaking!

I’ve never been afraid of being alone, in fact I welcome it. What I was afraid of was telling my partner I needed unassisted time to myself. Not because I am not 1000% dedicated, but because I thought it wasn’t ok. You are disrespecting yourself if you do not allow yourself some solitude.

We are responsible for our own happiness. Relationship isn’t about fixing one another. It’s having the maturity to know the purpose is to love each other through the ups and downs, and not give up. It’s focusing on allowing each other to be vulnerable, without judgment.

Dedicate yourself to someone who has the passion to grow in self, WITHOUT you, then WITH you in awareness.

Create a habitat of emotional safety. Key word being SPACE. Then create a haven of security that honors each other’s painful pasts, then embrace that it is what brought you together. When I met AW he immediately and consistently supported me on this journey. At the time I released little snippets of what happened in my divorce. Then I felt safe enough with him that I could truly feel my feelings and lean in. It is the most beautiful type of support.

HONOR that past because no matter how painful, there was a reason. Without a loss there cannot be a gain. I am no expert. I am dealing with life just as you are through all of its unforeseen plot twists. What I can say is I’ve learned, though not perfected, the art of managing my reactions, yet not suppressing my emotions.

That my friends is such warm feeling that can only come from you, your process and a partner that doesn’t try to be, or ask you to be, anyone but yourself.

So, who’s ready to paint with me?

Cheers,

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Painting a New Life Canvas

As I reflected on my 48th trip around the sun this month, I couldn’t help but think about where I thought I would be at this time in my life.

“Your life doesn’t get better by chance, it gets better by change.”

There’s something about gathering your own eggs.
Photography Chantel Elder

It wasn’t splitting my time between multiple homes, gathering eggs, and raising chickens. That I can tell you! Never in my wildest dreams, but I digress…

I truly thought I’d still be happily married and waiting for grandkids. Retired, living on an exotic island slinging drinks at a dive bar I owned. Traveling whenever possible of course. I’d also be living in a little lock & go townhouse in the CITY.

All of the above is where I had worked so hard to be someday. And it was indeed a beautiful painting!

I have referenced before the “canvas” that we paint with our partners.

The canvas of what our life is “supposed” to look like. The dreams, the goals, the ideas, and the future we want.

When that goes to hell it’s scary! Everything and everywhere you thought you’d be is, poof, gone in what feels like an instant. I mean good grief where do you even begin to rid yourself of that fantasy?

It sounds so simple, yet I appreciate it is not.

I must tell you, letting go of that vision, that canvas I had painted before, was the best way to mental clarity and real happiness.

And it took work, but then I finally began painting again.

So why do we fear creating that new portrait? For me, it was the unknown. But what I realized is when you can really be okay with things not going the way you had planned, life really does begin again.

Embracing this life with all it has to offer.

Your ability to love begins once more, and what’s so beautiful is that it will begin with newfound clarity.

Love is truly life’s greatest gift. Love is worth the risk. Once I removed the fear, the anxiety of not knowing where life was taking me, everything was brighter.

And when I least expected, it love found me.

Finally, one of the many outcomes of my wellness journey is the lessons I learn about myself. The choices I get to make for my future are my choices.

It is ME and me alone that is painting that new untouched, bright, clean canvas in every shade I choose. And that my friends the greatest gift!

So I implore you to get to your nearest art store and load your cart with every paintbrush and color that fills your soul.

Cheers,

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TRAVEL

Hola Mexico & Mahalo Hawaii!

Traveling journeys and creating new memories.

WHAT a year it has been already. How is it August? As I mentioned in my last post I have been traveling, A LOT! Mostly because one of my best friends got married which meant packing bags, planning for the wedding and getting into the best shape possible!

A Beautiful Mexican Resort Bachelorette Celebration.

We all flew to a brand new all-inclusive in Mexico for some bachelorette fun, multiple trips to California wineries for “wedding planning.” Less than a month later off to Oahu, Hawaii for the most important trip of them all, when she officially became Mrs. Brown. I can’t truly describe how perfect it was. To say I was honored to stand beside her is an understatement.

These women are so full of love and kindness. All we wanted was to show LB how much we love her! I think we hit every single pool in the resort, bopped around town and then surprised her with reservations at her favorite restaurant. It was an incredible final night, followed up by a secret underground bar in San Jose Del Cabo!

Aloha! It’s wedding time.

We hijacked first class with our beautiful group and made our way to the island! Where a LOT more eating ensued!

This is why we hired a personal trainer! So we could enjoy!

The week went by and we hit the island running. Pool, long walks, catamaran ride, rehearsal & bbq. It was perfection.

Off to The Garden Island, Kauai.

The day after the wedding AW and I flew to my favorite island. The chaos of covid testing, the island opening and shutting at a moments notice, ZERO rental cars…it was chaotic to say the least.

Truthfully, I had been avoiding Kauai for a reason. I was married on the islands north shore in a stunning chapel that to this day I feel connected to. Having said that, I didn’t really know if it was “okay” to go back, especially with another man.

Though I love him to my core, I just wasn’t sure. I did a ton of soul searching and realized it was ridiculous. Why shouldn’t I share this magical place with him?

I actually surprised myself once we arrived. I didn’t feel my ex-husbands presence. It was just us. No haunting thoughts of regret, anxiety or sadness. I found myself feeling grateful that I was shown this magical place over 15 years ago. TRULY grateful. I knew I could make new memories, and they could be as beautiful as I let them while still keeping the past memories sacred.

Riding a harley davidson around the island of hawaii

Not a single car available to rent, so AW rented a Harley. What an absolutely incredible way to explore the island!

A few days into the trip we made our way up to Hanalei Bay and Tunnels Beach.

AW can’t stay out of the water, and a few hours of snorkeling I was ready to sit. I took the time to reflect on all that had happened over the past year. The ups and downs. The incredible excitement I felt about my life, my family and friends. I watched the clouds go by and reminded myself to keep growing. Keep filling my soul with travel, with my love & commitment to AW, to myself.

tunnels beach cloudy sky — Tunnels Beach, Kauai Hawaiian Islands

Tunnels Beach Hawaii — Tunnels Beach, Kauai Hawaiian Islands

When we got home I hit the ground running! Back to San Diego to pick up my puppy (that journey coming soon!) Back to my workouts, wow I missed those, and back to writing and focusing on what fills my soul.

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The Journey Continues!

Jeep travels on CA coast — The ocean is always calling!

It’s been awhile! Truth be told I have had an amazing few months.

Pulled the trigger and bought a new Jeep that I can camp, road trip & sit in silence. So that’s where i’ve been lately!

I will be back at it soon. I have so much to post for you in the next couple of weeks.

I’ve been on so many amazing trips with loved ones and friends. Discovered new hidden gems and I will share them all with you!

Cheers!

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The person that broke you cannot fix you.

You are disrespecting yourself when you allow communication with someone who has humiliated or disrespected you.

They broke you, they cannot fix you.

the person that broke you cannot fix you — Eleakis & Elder

Read that again please, then read it again.

I carry around sympathy for my ex.

Actually, up until last summer, it was on my mind more often than I’d like to admit. There, I said it. I felt his pain and regret about where we were. Marriage destroyed. Friendship gone. He was very articulate about it.

So yes, my sympathies and concerns were real for me. Probably always will be.

Ya ya, I hear you already yelling “Why!?” at your device.

Trust me, I get it.

But for me to help you, I have to be as honest as I possibly can at this moment. And let us not confuse sympathy with empathy.

And if I ever become so hardened by life and lose compassion for others’ internal turmoil, well, I don’t want to know that woman.

As I write this I am sitting up straight with more confidence than I’ve ever experienced in myself. I am feeling so many emotions right now and they’re gloriously positive.

So here it goes, this mess is now my message.

This is for you. I feel more naked in myself than I have in previous posts.

I was STUCK in a stage of healing that I couldn’t fully articulate, and I was stuck for far too long.

I was allowing the emails, texts, etc. from him. When someone died, I got a message. When someone moved, I got a message. I did the same now and again, I own that.

The familiarity of what used to be an intense and beautiful friendship brought down my defenses. I refuse to beat myself up about it frankly. There were some incredibly wonderful exchanges.

Though it felt harmless at the time, I recognize now that I wasn’t valuing myself by allowing the communication to continue.

I wanted peace with him. Yep, hard habit to break when you’ve loved someone so intensely.

Truthfully I will never doubt his own sadness. I will never take that from him. And don’t get me wrong, I did not want him back. I did not want that marriage. That was done and beyond repair for me.

But the intent of this post isn’t about the details or semantics of years of back-and-forth commentary. It’s about how I did get past my then-stagnant healing; and back on track to self-love. I will be as vulnerable as I possibly can; that was the promise, right?

Here was the glaring problem I didn’t see at the time and what I KNOW was stopping me from my healing:

I was waiting for the person who broke me to fix me.

Crazy right? I was stuck in a pattern of behavior because it’s what helped me in the past. He was my best friend before he was my husband.

That “behavior,” though limited, was more harmful than I realized at the time. What felt broken was my sanity. So why on earth was I allowing this to continue? What were we trying to accomplish?

To lie to someone, manipulate someone, sneak around with someone, then blame you for your reaction; it’s like punching someone in the gut and blaming them for crying.

And I was allowing it to happen, constantly. I now realize when we had positive communication I had a ridiculous notion I would finally get what I needed from him.

I needed the truth.

I had some misguided belief I would get it and then, poof, all would be right again.

I would release that last chunk of humiliation I was carrying around. I would finally really know I wasn’t crazy. I wanted him to honor me just enough to give me that.

When we talked about a sit-down to air it all out, I considered it. I mulled it over. It’s what I had been waiting for right?

I was expecting the person who told me I was insane for all these months to now tell me that I wasn’t.

Good God, as if that was even possible, right?

As I said, I was waiting for the person who stole my dignity to somehow make it better. Even saying it now feels ludicrous.

I am laughing at myself as I sit here! Pat is on the back for me! Who the hell was that woman?

Then one afternoon while having a conversation with one of my most trusted friends, reality hit, again.

I confided in him about all of the emails, texts, and 3-hour-long phone calls with KU. Then I told him I was considering the meeting, and he looked at me, distraught. I’d never seen him this way.

He sat in silence for what seemed like forever then spoke. I knew another hit was coming.

“Aliee, no. You are not going to meet him. I have to tell you something that has been weighing on me for years.”

The details don’t matter but l will say it was a punch in the gut I did not see coming, yet should have.

My mind started racing, I physically felt my blood pressure soar. How much more didn’t I see?

I started down a rabbit hole of every trip, every concert, and every time they were alone.

Then I just stopped.

I stopped the racing thoughts. I don’t know how I did it.

As I sat across from my friend at Rosie’s Cafe, on the most beautiful sunny Tahoe summer day, I found the peace I was looking for.

I’d never get the truth and I needed the bleeding to stop, immediately.

The following day I told him I would not be meeting him.

I told him I am not his friend, I am not his confidant, and I am the woman he threw out with the trash and our children into the recycle bin.

I was making his betrayals ok by allowing him to keep me in his life on any level. As my therapist said, “he’s making you his mistress Alison.”

While I did sit in a wave of newfound anger, thank the Lord it was only for a couple of days. I am not proud of the fact that I threatened him with saved emails and texts. But I knew that’s what it was going to take.

Not my finest moment but damnit I was triggered with newfound mortification at my past, and still naive self.

Here’s the beauty that came out of that painful moment.

I finally felt powerful again. I knew I HAD to forgive someone who wasn’t sorry. I had to accept an apology I would never receive. I had to accept the devastating and painful lies would continue, and the truth would never come. And it was finally ok.

The truth isn’t my burden, it’s theirs. Forgiving someone isn’t saying it’s “okay.” It’s saying what they did no longer has power over you.

I got my power back.

My healing and happiness is an inside job and for years I had assigned that to someone else, and I lost my power in the process.

They cannot fix what they broke. Only you can. It’s your responsibility, no one else’s.

I decided to write this post because I don’t want you to wait.

I don’t care if it’s your mother or father, friend, husband or wife…your trusted companion, whoever it is, get your power back. You cannot make someone realize they’ve wronged you.

You also cannot expect someone to be honest with you when they cannot be honest with themselves.

That is their journey, not yours.

You get to decide what you will allow in your life and space. Healing takes time, and I promise you a beautiful clear life is ahead.

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re·flec·tion | \ ri-ˈflek-shən

“She couldn’t feel her wings but knew they were there so she built a ladder that led to the sky and when she touched the clouds she remembered how to fly.”

– Atticus

Valentines Day! What better day to talk about love, SELF-LOVE.

So I ask you, when you look in the mirror what do you see? And I’m NOT talking vanity my friends.

Are you honest with yourself?

Are you proud of what you see?

Are you honest with those around you? Partners, Co-Workers, Friends & Family?

Do you care too much what others think of you?

If so what are you willing to do about it?

Definition of reflection

1: an instance of reflecting especially: the return of light or sound waves from a surface

2: the production of an image by or as if by a mirror

3: a thought, idea, or opinion formed or a remark made as a result of meditation

I want you to look in that mirror. Besides writing in my journal every day (yes every day) I want to share a technique that works for me when any of the above apply. I don’t remember who gave me the advice to sit in front of a mirror and have a conversation with myself, but I cannot tell you how impactful it has been, still is for me. If you’re ready to move an inch today into self-care and self-love this is how I started, and still use when Ms. Doubt is trying to hijack my day. I hope it works for you as well.

Find a quiet place, start somewhere in your home if possible. If not the drivers seat of your car works! You simply need a mirror and a little quiet.

When you are feeling ANY kind of negativity, questioning yourself or feeling anxious I want you to try this. Sit down on the floor, legs crossed, hands gently resting on your lap and to stare at yourself. STARE into your eyes. Oh and don’t forget to BREATHE, breathe deeply, all the way to your belly. Try and identify the negative thought you are having or pick an emotion that is making you uncomfortable. I want you to speak to yourself out loud, yes out loud.

I will use myself and a recent example.

I spent over a year putting this blog together. Truth be told I could have gone “live” with Chasing Alison six months ago had I had the confidence. I had written that first post in June of 2020. The night I promised myself that I finally would, Feb 2, 2021, I was pacing my home office. I probably made a path in the hardwood. But then I remembered AW and I had just bought a new mirror to hang in here. I pulled it out of the packaging and leaned it against the wall. Then I sat.

It probably took a full 3-5 minutes before I spoke. I let myself cry first. I let myself feel it all. Then I spoke, ‘This is for you. This is for even one person. Use your voice. What others think is irrelevant. You are strong. You have survived. You can handle the backlash. You no longer live in shame and humiliation. Find your damn courage Alison, push the publish button.’ I eventually got up off of the floor, walked over to my computer and pushed that button.

The SMALLEST first steps to wellness are the hardest. Why? Because it DOES REQUIRE you to look in the mirror and be true to yourself. And that is difficult. To own our messes is so critical and I recognize how much courage that takes. But it’s so freeing when you do. So look in that mirror, have that conversation with yourself. Whether it’s about your relationships, your job, your kids, your decisions, all of the above, you are worth it.

I had the intention of telling a story of the first time I tried this, but that moment deserves its own stage. What I can say is I have had moments of feeling completely out of my body, and what I now recognize as full blown panic attacks. This worked for me three years ago, clearly still does. Again, I really hope it works for you.

My Sunday wish for you is to move an inch, just an inch toward your wellness. We all know inside what we need to work on, what needs adapting, what needs a push or a nudge to growth, to self-love. Baby steps my friends. Or as I like to do often, pack a bag, take a walk and breathe.

Cheers,

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