GRIEF BOUNDARIES

Setting Boundaries while I grieve is my way of self-love and care.

As I work, 𝒅𝒂𝒊𝒍𝒚, on simply being vertical, looking for answers, looking for clarity and peace, looking for my daughter to guide me through, I have come to the realization that I don’t have to explain how I feel. To anyone.

The absolute worst question, though unintentional is “how are you?” I do however, answer truthfully every time.

My rotation looks something like:

“I feel like shit.”

“I am super angry today.”

“I’m okay in this moment thanks.”

“Horrible ,but thank you for asking.”

Truth be told, I just don’t want to talk about how I feel. It’s too damn painful.

Being alone on the North Coast was “healing.”

My husband pulled our beautiful new toy hauler up to our favorite Northern Coast Campground. The intention was staying for 4-5 nights. However, the night before we were to make the almost 5 hour drive home, I asked him to leave me there.

He smiled, hugged me tight and said “absolutely.”

There was only reading, meditating, shell collecting and hiking. This was exactly what I needed in THAT moment. I completely checked out.

Just me and the pups, dozens of whales and crisp ocean mornings.

 

I don’t have to explain, anything.

I am no longer driven to explain what happened. To explain how I feel. To explain why I am rarely home. I definitely don’t have to explain why my phone is seldom on anymore. I don’t have to explain anything. And neither do you.

Frustrated with myself for not having the energy to return calls, texts, emails and the like was absurd. I know this now.

This is my life, my journey, my grief. This is how I honor myself and her.

Maybe this could help you with whatever grief, trauma or sadness you are going through. Empower yourself to do only what feels right.

I wrote down this list in my journal and have since stuck to these boundaries.

1. Respect Your Limits – Clearly define what you can handle emotionally and physically, then stick to those limits.

2. Communicate Clearly – Express your boundaries to others clearly and assertively without apology.

3. SAY NO! – Feel empowered to say no when something doesn’t align with your needs or comfort levels.

4. Prioritize Your Privacy – Keep personal information private if sharing it makes you uncomfortable.

5. Limit Accessibility – You are not obligated to be available at all times; it’s healthy to disconnect.

6. Choose Your Company – Spend time with people who respect your boundaries and contribute positively to your life.

7. Protect Your Space – Maintain a personal space that is solely yours and manage who enters it.

8. Emotional Detachment – Detach emotionally from others’ issues that you cannot solve and are not yours to solve.

9. Delegate Responsibility – Share or delegate responsibilities to prevent taking on too much by yourself.

10. Honor Your Needs – 𝑹𝑬𝑮𝑼𝑳𝑨𝑹𝑳𝒀 check in with yourself to ensure your boundaries are still serving your best interests.

 

Staying mentally and physically safe and healthy is my responsibility. And right now that looks like this.

Being outside with my girl Caoihme, breathing in fresh air and hiking for miles and miles is all I need sometimes.

And that is absolutely okay.