Building an even better life after divorce, it’s time to be selfish.
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“Aliee you are so strong.”
“How do you do it?”
“I wouldn’t be able to survive as you have.”
Compliments right? Everything happens for a reason I’ve robotically said on repeat.
Definition of resilient
: characterized or marked by resilience: such a
a: capable of withstanding shock without permanent deformation or rupture
b: tending to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change
For the longest time I thought all of the crap life has thrown at me was just normal.
From the trauma (it’s not a dirty word FYI) of my parents ‘ 15 + years of “on and off,” to hearing my grandmother’s gut-wrenching sobs and denials down the hallway learning my cousin David was dead, he was 18, I was 16.
I would need an Excel Spreadsheet to articulate my life. It has many columns and boxes. Starting around age 10 when I began journaling, I began to realize, that my life was not normal.
I will never deny that a therapist in my life has served their purpose.
Some caused more damage than good; accepting my handwritten check and rotating their next “client” in. But then 3.5 yrs ago I found a $180/hr box of Kleenex and a leather couch that rivals my F-Bombs.
He threw a bucket of verbal ice-cold water on me. “Alison, why the hell do you think your life has been ‘normal’?”
Me: (insert smart-ass deflecting response that I will keep to myself)
Him: “No.”
I have always believed that I was resilient.
Married then divorced and a single mother of 2 babies by 21 years old.
Desperately trying to navigate a chronically ill daughter, a son with mental illness, at the time a broken tumultuous relationship with both of my parents.
I mean we all have chaos, right? I was not resilient.
Let’s recap: as per Webster’s Dictionary: “capable of withstanding shock without permanent deformation or rupture.”
I mean sounds lovely to say you’re resilient, but life check that’s bullshit.
Everything in life is permanent. It’s massive. It’s powerful.
The power (also not a dirty word) is recognizing it.
I am resilient in my convictions. I am resilient in my drive to do better, be better, and not intentionally inflict pain on anyone and that includes myself.
I am resilient in my conviction that I will never again be taken advantage of again via friends, families, and men…the list is vast.
I, to this day, say to my dearest friends constantly:
“Be kind to yourself!”
“Love yourself above everyone.”
“Sit in grace and breathe,”
I say this to myself now.
I practice what I preach.
I don’t accept anything in life that doesn’t serve my happiness. Selfish? Maybe. But I will never apologize for it.
Keep climbing. Keep pushing.
Get uncomfortable with yourself; that means asking those you truly trust to put you in check.
Or do what I do. Take a walk.
Cheers,
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