Building an even better life after my divorce, it was time to be selfish.
“Aliee you are so strong.”
“How do you do it?”
“I wouldn’t be able to survive as you have.”
Compliments right? Everything happens for a reason I’ve robotically said on repeat.
Definition of resilient:
characterized or marked by resilience: such a
b: tending to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change
For the longest time, I really thought all of the crap life has thrown at me was just normal.
From the trauma (it’s not a dirty word FYI) of my parent’s 15 + years of “on and off,” to hearing my grandmother’s gut-wrenching sobs and denials down the hallway learning my cousin David was dead, he was 18, I was 16.
Also; married then divorced and a single mother of 2 babies by 21 years old. Desperately trying to navigate a chronically ill daughter, a son with mental illness, at the time a broken tumultuous relationship with both of my parents. Yep, it was a blur.
I will never deny that a therapist in my life has served their purpose.
However, I also had a therapist that cause more damage than good. Accepting my handwritten check and rotating their next “client” in during the worst time of my 40’s. Thanks, asshole.
But, thank the heavens in 2018 I found a $180/hr box of Kleenex and a leather couch that rivals my F-Bombs; he threw a bucket of verbal ice cold water on me.
Him: “Alison why hell do you think your life has been ‘normal’?”
Me: (insert smart-ass deflecting response that I will keep to myself)
I have always believed that I was resilient.
I mean we all have chaos, right? I was not resilient.
Let’s recap: as per Webster’s Dictionary: “capable of withstanding shock without permanent deformation or rupture.” I mean sounds lovely to say you’re resilient, but life check that’s bullshit.
Everything in life is permanent. It’s massive. It’s powerful. The power (also not a dirty word) is recognizing it.
I am resilient in my convictions.
Resilient in my drive to do better, be better and not intentionally inflict pain on anyone and that includes me. I am resilient in my conviction that I will never again be taken advantage of again via friends, families, and men…the list is vast and wide.
To this day, say to my dearest friends constantly:
“Be kind to yourself!”
“Love yourself above everyone.”
“Sit in grace and breathe.”
I say this to myself now.
I practice what I preach. I don’t accept anything in life that doesn’t serve my happiness. Selfish? Maybe.
I will never apologize for it again.
Keep climbing. Keep pushing. Get uncomfortable with yourself; if that means asking those you truly trust to put you in check. Or do what I do. Take a walk.